Some days I really love still being in school, and other times I just itch to be out starting a career, having time (and money) to do fun things like going to see plays, travel to see friends or new cities, paint the house, etc. I think this must be natural because apparently my mom and poppa were talking the other day about how they were glad I was able to resist the temptation of working now, even though it’s something I so badly want to do. It’s hard not to look at friends who have jobs, houses, even families! and think, man, I am behind. Even though it’s only two years, it still feels like I’m missing out–not so much on the things, but experiences I haven’t had yet. I’m sure next year i’ll laugh at all this craziness, because seriously, one year has already flown by. I’m sure now that I actually LOVE my classes, the next one will go by even faster. *sigh* but that still doesn’t mean I don’t envy being able to do certain things. I’m in savesavesave mode, and I really will try to be responsible. Hold out, Jess!
Also, somewhat related, I’ve now had three separate conversations with “older 20-somethings” about the big differences between younger 20s, and older 20s. According to them, it’s easy to see how we young ones are different, haven’t grown up yet, and that we haven’t learned to be jaded, haven’t learned that some dreams aren’t possible. Maybe I’m just going along with my younger 20 self when I say I hope I’m never jaded. I feel like over the years I’m becoming LESS jaded, and I hope that trend continues. There’s so much happiness in the world just waiting to be appreciated…and we really are so blessed; why ruin it? But, conveniently, apparently we young 20s wouldn’t know what the difference is between the two groups, we aren’t able to see how the older ones are different, wiser, which, as I say, is just convenient. It’s not that i bitterly hope in 4 years i’m still the same, that I believe the same things. Of course I want to grow and learn, of course I want to know myself and my place in the world more fully and accurately. But does that necessarily entail becoming so responsible that one forgets about her dreams? This is one of my worst fears, and I refuse to ride along on that path. Well, I guess that’s the fun part about blogs. If in 4 years this thing is still going, maybe I’ll pop back to this post and see just how naive I was. Oh, life!